My girlfriend’s past disgusts me, how should I react?
Every relationship has its challenges. Sometimes these complications can revolve around a girlfriend’s past relationships. If your girlfriend’s past relationships are haunting you, what can you do to move on?
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Personally, my girlfriend’s past disgusts me and I hesitate to tell her. Jealousy is not an easy emotion to manage. If you are not careful, it can take over your thoughts and cause problems in your romantic relationships and your daily life. However, it is difficult to ignore feelings of jealousy, which often go hand in hand with a personal feeling of inadequacy.
Dealing with jealousy over someone’s past relationships is an important part of building trust and security in your new relationship. If you don’t, those feelings will fester beneath the surface and continue to cause problems for both of you. But how do you deal with these feelings? They are often very strong and tend to be shared by all men in relationships. To the point of being normalized, many people consider it justified to feel that way about their girlfriends’ pasts.
Some individuals are obsessed with their partner’s past relationships and tend to suffer from retroactive jealousy. This form of jealousy is quite common and occurs when a person is jealous of their partner’s past relationships. People who suffer from it can’t help but think about how their partner’s relationship was with their ex and, at some point, go into a spiral.
However, it shouldn’t be expected that everyone we meet as adults simply lived in an empty box waiting for us to arrive today. They had a sexual past and had a few love stories just like us.
Here is a list of effective tips that will help you wipe the slate clean and put those thoughts behind you and look to the future.
Determine the things that bother you
If your girlfriend’s past bothers you, the first thing to do is figure out exactly what bothers you so much about her past. This will allow you to understand why these thoughts often come to you. Is it something specific? A particular person or event?
Or is it more general? Do you find it hard to accept that she had a romantic or sexual life before you came on the scene? Are you jealous of his sexual past, or is it the emotional ties that bother you? Take the time to think about what exactly is bothering you. Once you figure this out, you’ll be better able to figure out why, so you can work through the problem rather than letting it come between you.
live in the moment
Remember that your girlfriend’s sex with other men happened before. His past relationships never worked out for a specific reason. Try repeating the affirmations to refocus on the present moment. Say: I’m happy to be in this relationship now. Negative thoughts will not control me. Learn to appreciate your love life mindfully. Find five positive aspects of your relationship that usually go unnoticed or unappreciated.
Accept that everyone must have experience
Remember that she is the person you know and love today from that past. It is important to realize that we are all shaped by our experiences. We are shaped by the things that happen to us and the people we meet in our lifetime. You like this woman the way she is, don’t you? She is the direct result of the past she had.
If you want to erase some of the things that happened in her life before you met, remember that you would be changing the extraordinary woman in front of you. You don’t want that at all, do you?
Reframe your present
If you reframe your life, that is a way to transform your point of view. For some time, you have been obsessed with his past while being in his present. It’s time to recognize that your couple is different from the love stories you both had before. Since she chooses you over her ex, choose her too. Ask her what things she appreciates about your relationship. This way, you will know if she is considering a future lover with you. If so, you know she wants to invest in a future with you!
Focus on the future together
You already know that you have absolutely no control over the past. So, you should avoid worrying and harming yourself. But even if you know it’s true in your rational mind, it can be hard to let go of negative thoughts about your past. When you catch yourself dwelling on the past, use the following tactic to actively turn your thoughts to the future you have with your girlfriend.
Replace every negative that haunts you by allowing yourself to dream about your next vacation with your ex. Just think about the appointment you will have next weekend. Replace all your negative thoughts about your future lover with positive thoughts.
Recognize it’s your problem, not his
Past jealous people need to realize that it’s really important to acknowledge that their distrust has nothing to do with their partner. Their girlfriend does not have to admit that she was wrong to have sex in the past. It’s something you have to learn to accept. Of course, she shouldn’t smack her past in your face because that’s kind of unhealthy. However, it is also not her role to make you feel better about the life she led before. As long as she respects your feelings, know that only you can fix your jealousy problem.
Are you afraid of becoming his date? Read this article to learn how to avoid this.
Learn to transform your thoughts
When an unhealthy thought about old relationships arises, learn to replace it with positive thoughts. In a couple’s life, there is always something that brings us back to the positive sides of the relationship. Whether you like it or not, his past is part of it. Accept it as a whole and try to replace some thoughts with others to feel good. Visualize something positive. Think about the good things you’ve done together, or your feelings for her. Replace all your bad thoughts with positive things that are happening in your relationship.
Learn to communicate
Let her know that even though you’re jealous, you’re doing some work on yourself. Tell him that you know your negative attitude has something to do with your insecurities. However, you would like her to bring up these topics with a little more tact because you don’t react well to bringing up her past love life. Perhaps, if there’s a particular trigger for those feelings of jealousy, like a name or a place, you could ask her to avoid the topic when possible.
If communication is complicated and you need help, watch videos on personal development. If you are considering a serious relationship with her, you have to try a little harder.
Work on your self-confidence
If his past is troubling you, it’s probably due in large part to a lack of self-confidence. You may feel like you don’t deserve his love or fear you won’t live up to his exes. His past may make you feel inadequate. The only solution to this problem is to make a conscious effort to work on your own self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence.
It’s a cliché, but if you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect her to love you, and you’ll have a hard time getting over her past if it intimidates you. Find ways to work on your self-confidence. Take care of your body and mind. The more self-confidence you have, the less his past will seem important to you.
When do you think of his exes?
Do you know when you think about your girlfriend’s past life? Is it when her ex likes her photo on social media? Don’t you both have respective pasts? Figure out if you’re thinking about it because of his behavior or your own. To help you see things more clearly, try making a list of what comes to mind. Next to the items that are on the list, you should write the things that happened before. Also write down everything you do and what you can do differently.
Tell someone you trust
A problem shared is a problem halved. At the start of a relationship with a young woman, some men find it difficult to express their feelings. They tend to confide in someone close. Sometimes talking about jealousy with someone you trust can help you figure out exactly what’s bothering you and why. Verbalizing feelings is a great way to understand them.
If you feel like you have no one to talk to and these feelings are starting to negatively impact your relationship, it might be worth seeking professional help.
Should couples talk about their past relationships?
The best answer does not exist for this question. Besides, not everyone likes to share details of their past. Some are more discreet, while others are always ready to divulge all the details of their love affairs. However willing you are to share, remember that every relationship is unique.
Some partners don’t take their spouse’s personality into account and want full disclosure of their past. This is a behavior to avoid. Others may just get a glimpse. It’s not the best way to take flight in a romantic relationship either. Even though some details from your past have made you who you are today, you both need to be on your toes, especially when you’re talking for the first time.
It’s important to tell your partner about your past to create a strong bond, but you have to be careful. It is more or less positive to confide, but do it with caution. While it’s best for your partner to know more about your toxic former relationship, you shouldn’t tell them everything either. Telling him about it should only give him an idea of who you are, what was missing in your old relationship, and the baggage you carry.
What if one partner shares everything and the other doesn’t know how to deal with their spouse’s past relationships? You don’t have to have that kind of thinking. You must be patient, discuss, listen to the other and, over time, you will understand what you can or cannot say to your partner. First, if you don’t share the intimate details of your past relationship, unexplained bouts of jealousy can be avoided. If your girlfriend is very discreet, this is also how you will know if she has had problems in her past.
The final word
My girlfriend’s past disgusts me, what should I do? If you are unable to resolve your differences on your own or would like additional support, you can seek help from a therapist. In extreme cases of retroactive jealousy, especially those related to an anxiety disorder, the help of a psychiatrist may be needed to find adequate relief. For partners suffering from retroactive jealousy, couples therapy is often an excellent solution.
