As a kid in the ’80s, my playdates played Super Mario Bros. in the boarded-up basement, sipping juice boxes. Cut a worm in half or slide it headfirst down the stairs in a sleeping bag.
Those days are over.
Last week, my 7-year-old daughter, Nora, came home from a friend’s house with homemade snow globes, fluffy paint socks, and warm chocolate chip cookies. This is the new normal. A playdate is like a birthday party where no one leaves empty-handed.
“Mrs. S baked those cookies from scratchcried Nora. “Oh, oh! And she jumped on the trampoline with us. Can you do somersaults? Mr. S can.”
“I can do somersaults,” I replied, but I couldn’t. I felt inferior to Playdate Mom’s extraordinary Mrs. S, with her clean white furniture and bare kitchen counters. That’s just another thing about playdates. You’ll see how others live when you pick up. Everyone noticed she didn’t have 12 junk drawers. Oh, what the children have to report about our home….
“They take off their shoes whereverNo matching towels and chipmunks keep invading the playroom. ”
So these days, when girls invite new friends over, I make excuses. But parenting and youth development expert Deborah Gilboa, PhD, understands. She agrees things have gotten out of hand.
“Your job on Playdates is not to entertain, educate, or impress the children’s friends,” Gilboa told TODAY Parents. “Your job is to keep them safe.” It’s about keeping them and giving them a chance to interact with each other, and maybe a snack, and that’s it.”
“You’re not a preschool teacher, a camp counselor, or a photoshoot for Better Homes and Gardens magazine,” she added.
Gilboa says there will always be parents who go overboard and treat playdates like competitive sports. We only control how we react.
“You can’t participate in a tug-of-war without picking up the rope,” she said.
According to Gilboa, her mother in the ’80s was right. When her friends came to her house, her mother would prepare dinner, pay her bills, and talk on the phone. We knew where to find her if we needed anything.
“Playdates should make your life easier,” said Gilboa.
Of course, you can’t fully check it out with headphones on. It is important to keep an eye out at all times.
“When your kids are four or five, they need to avoid jumping on hot radiators, and when they’re teenagers, they need to avoid watching inappropriate videos,” says Gilboa. say.
Gilboa understands the temptation of some mothers to play cruise director. They want to be known as fun moms. They want to show your child a good time. they want to be liked.
But sometimes it’s also important to just sit back and watch.
“Boredom-relieving skills require improving children’s communication, self-communication, self-regulation, and creativity,” Gilboa said. When we provide , we deprive children of the discomfort that drives them to learn those skills.”
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This article originally appeared on TODAY.com.
